How to stay in love?

I no longer feel excited opening my messages in the morning.
I no longer feel the urgency in responding to your mid-day small talk attempts.
I no longer think of you and get happy hormones bursting in my body.
I’ve tried to imagine being with you but I just can’t see to see things clearly.

Is it me accepting the fact that you and I together is impossible?
Is me loosing hope that you being in love with me is a mere fantasy?
Am I just tired from work?
Or am I falling out of love?

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A Love Letter to Bee

A friend. A sister. That’s how you probably see me. Not that I’m complaining but i guess my heart just wants more than this “brother-sister thingy”.

In all honesty, I’ve never seen you as a brother. Did not even think of you as a friend. I used to have this tiny little crush on you and guess what? It’s not tiny little anymore.

You make my day special even by just waking up in the morning and thinking about you. You make everyday extra special by cheering me up in the morning and wishing me well at night. I go through all the stress in my own jungle with a smile, knowing that opening my messages will soon lighten up the burden. And you never fail to make my heart giggle. You never fail to turn every blues into pinks and all the shades rainbow and pastel.

I don’t know what you feel exactly for me. I’ve no idea how you would feel about this. Despite of the sad reality of the friendship you are offering, I am grateful you are there to cheer me up. And if ever you change your heart, I hope it’s not to break mine.

With love that’s more than just a friend,
Bee

Edwin,

Yesterday is one of the happiest moment in my life. I had a major dilemma when you agreed to meet me one last time before we go on our separate ways. I was fighting with myself whether to back out or not. But then you’re too sensitive I was afraid to hurt you. I didn’t know I could have such courage to ask you to meet me once again. It was my first time.

By the time I saw you, I didn’t know what to do or what to say. But you made me feel so comfortable I forgot that I actually like you; not just a friend but more than that. I know you have a girlfriend back home but you didn’t make me feel like I am just a boredom killer while you’re away from her.

Hours before I see you, I was telling myself that this is only a friendly date and I didn’t know it’ll actually felt that way. Although, we didn’t talk a lot of things because of language barrier, you tried all your best to communicate with me in a way that I will understand you. And honestly, I was also trying my best to be cool and talkative although the truth is, I’m not that cool and I don’t actually talk a lot.

On a text message you told me that you will “always” miss me and in fact, you already missed me by the time you get in to the cab. And for you, the two days we didn’t see each other felt like forever.

Part of me is telling me not to believe you because I know once you go back to your own country, sooner or later, you’ll forget everything about me. About me being your most favorite person.On the other half, I believe you. After all, you are the man of your words and you have proved that to me in the days we’ve been together.

I also have a lot of things to tell you but I don’t know how can I tell them all to you. It’s not complicated. It’s just hard because I am not sure what kind of risk will I be taking if I confess them to you.

I don’t see you as a regular stranger because I know, you have showed me a part of you. I don’t see you as a friend. Although, I know you could be a damn good friend.I envy your girlfriend. She is so lucky to have you.

In such a short time, I must say you had my full attention, although it took me quiet a while before I realized it.

You are a gentleman who sets the bar in every situation, although at first you seemed to be a player for me. You are sweet and sensitive to other’s feelings. Your emotions are real and you don’t fake them. I have fallen to the person you have showed me. But I don’t know how to tell this to you. Because I don’t know if this is right or wrong.

The pain I have inside is minimal because I am grateful not just for the 2 hours you have shared with me on a Sunday afternoon, but the 45 minutes we’ve had for 8 weeks. ***

E,

I like the fever you’re giving me.
The chills you’re causing in my heart.
I like the charm I see on your face.
The loveliness in your eyes.

I am only hiding my real feelings for you
Because to break the walls between us
Is a taboo.
But please know that I really
Really like being around you.

Dear New guy,

Uh-oh! This must not be a good idea. This game isn’t good. You’re attractive- yes you are. But I couldn’t be any more remorseful enjoying your sexy moves and sweet flirting while you’re miles away from your girlfriend. Both of us are just temporary and although it’s just going to be short, I don’t think this is a nice time to have a good time with you. You seemed sweet but with your suave moves, I think you’re one of those guys I would have fun seeing but only for a night. But thanks for the attention. I really appreciate it.

T.S.